humor,Romance Quotes That Will Inspire You to Live Your Best Life

1. All right, then, she snapped, do as you please! Perhaps afterward we could manage a coherent discussion. Twisting beneath him, she flopped onto her stomach.Christopher went still. After a long hesitation, she heard him ask in a far more normal voice, What are you doing?I’m making it easier for you, came her defiant reply. Go on, start ravishing.Another silence. Then, Why are you facing downward?Because that’s how it’s done. Beatrix twisted to look at him over her shoulder. A twinge of uncertainty caused her to ask, Isn’t it?His face was blank. Has no one ever told you?No, but I’ve read about it. Christopher rolled off her, relieving her of his weight. He wore an odd expression as he asked, From what books?Veterinary manuals. And of course, I’ve observed the squirrels in springtime, and farm animals and-She was interrupted as Christopher cleared his throat loudly, and again. Darting a confused glance at him, she realized that he was trying to choke back amusement.Beatrix began to feel indignant. Her first time in a bed with a man, and he was laughing.Look here, she said in a businesslike manner, I’ve read about the mating habits of over two dozen species, and with the exception of snails, whose genitalia is on their necks, they all— She broke off and frowned. Why are you laughing at me?Christopher had collapsed, overcome with hilarity. As he lifted his head and saw her affronted expression, he struggled manfully with another outburst. Beatrix. I’m . . . I’m not laughing at you.You are!No I’m not. It’s just . . . He swiped a tear from the corner of his eye, and a few more chuckles escaped. Squirrels . . .Well, it may be humorous to you, but it’s a very serious matter to the squirrels. Love in the Afternoon

2. Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.

3. Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles Knight's Fork

4. Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce."She waved her hand. "Absolutely no problem. Your money is our money. My money is my money." She wrote away."I should make you negotiate with Phoebe. Match Me If You Can

5. Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.

6. Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it. You're The One That I Don't Want

7. Hearts can't be broken because they're made of marzipan. Smaragdgrün

8. Hey, our hair's the same color," I said, eying us side by side in the mirror."Sure is, girlfriend." Eric grinned at me. Living Dead in Dallas

9. I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Griggs." Anson Choi feigns surprise. "What's her name?""I didn't actually catch her name," Griggs continues."Lily," Raffaela says over her shoulder and this time I give her a sideways look."Great to know that I'm in love with a girl with a cool name.""It's Taylor's middle name," Raffaela calls back again. On the Jellicoe Road

10. I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file. Eleven on Top

11. Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act if self-preservation. It's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it? First Day

12. It’s like this…a starving man would gladly eat a radish, right? In fact, a radish would be a feast if that’s all he had. But if he had a buffet in front of him, the radish would never be chosen.

13. James - "Are you paying attention or just trying to make me look like an idoit?"Elizabeth - "Oh, I'm definately paying attention. If you look like an idiot it has nothing to do with me. How to Marry a Marquis

14. Join us next time for Days of the Undead when Rachel learns her long lost brother is really a crown prince from outer space. Every Which Way But Dead

15. Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid. The Outlaw Demon Wails

16. Nice dress. Take it off.

17. Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare. Nozy Cat 1

18. Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do. Hush, Hush

19. She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she’d left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice. Fur the Win

20. So far Kat has been through all the Wa's she could think of, but Hale hadn't admitted to being Walter or Ward or Washington. He'd firmly denied both Warren and Waverly. Watson had prompted him to do a very bad Sherlock Holmes impersonation throughout a good portion of a train ride to Edinburgh, Scotland. And Wayne seemed so wrong she hadn't even tried.Hale was Hale. And not knowing what the W's stood for had become a constant reminder to Kat that, in life, there are some things that can be given but never stolen.Of course, that didn't stop her from trying. Heist Society

21. That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses. I laughed. I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre. He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. Not an hors d'oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite.

22. The last time I wore an animal hide; but this time I settled for this." Eric had been wearing a long trench coat. Now he threw it off dramatically, and I could only stand and stare. Normally, Eric was a blue-jeans-and-T-shirt kind of guy. Tonight, he wore a pink tank top and Lycra leggings[...]They were pink and aqua, like the swirls down the side of Jason's truck. Living Dead in Dallas

23. There was a dragon who had a long-standing obsession with a queen's breasts," she said, growing breathless. "The dragon knew the penalty to touch her would mean death, yet he revealed his secret desire to the king's chief doctor. This man promised he could arrange for the dragon to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him one thousand gold coins." She spread her soapy hands over his nipples, then down his arms. "Though he didn't have the money, the dragon readily agreed to the scheme."Grace," Darius moaned, his erection straining against her stomach.She hid her smile, loving that she had this much power over such a strong man. That she, Grace Carlyle, made him ache with longing. "The next day the physician made a batch of itching powder and poured some into the queen's bra… uh, you might call it a brassiere… while she bathed. After she dressed, she began itching and itching and itching. The physician was summoned to the Royal Chambers, and he informed the king and queen that only a special saliva, if applied for several hours, would cure this type of itch. And only a dragon possessed this special saliva." Out of breath, she paused.Continue," Darius said. His arms wound around her so tightly she could barely breathe. His skin blazed hot against hers, hotter than even the steamy water.Are you sure?"Continue." Taut lines bracketed his mouth.Well, the king summoned the dragon. Meanwhile, the physician slipped him the antidote for the itching powder, which the dragon put into his mouth, and for the next few hours, the dragon worked passionately on the queen's breasts.Anyway," she said, reaching around him and lathering the muscled mounds of his butt, "the queen's itching was eventually relieved, and the dragon left satisfied and touted as a hero."This does not sound like a joke," Darius said.I'm getting to the punch line. Hang on. When the physician demanded his payment, the now satisfied dragon refused. He knew that the physician could never report what really happened to the king. So the next day, the physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king's loincloth. And the king immediately summoned the dragon."-Heart of the Dragon

24. Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled. The Red Pyramid

25. Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs. Practical Magic

26. Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha! Halfway to the Grave

27. When you choose a man who thinks eight seconds is a long time, perhaps you need two of them. Hmm?

28. Why, aren’t you just about as sweet as syrup on a sundae? I sure would appreciate that, ma’am. He winked. How’d you like ta stroll the deck of this fine ship with me and watch the sunset? I need a purty girl to put her arm around me and steady this bow-legged cowboy as he finds his sea legs. I raised an eyebrow and affected a southern accent. Why, I think you’re a pullin’ my leg there, Texas. You’ve had your sea legs a lot longer than I have. He rubbed the stubble on his face. You might be right at that. Well then, how about you taggin’ along to keep me warm? It’s about eighty degrees. Shoot, you’re a smart one, you are. Then how ‘bout I jes say that a feller can get pretty lonesome by hisself in a strange country and he’d like to keep compn’y with you fer a while longer.

29. Will put his hand on Nico's shoulder. "Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills.""Hey, I'm just stating the obvious. If this is Apollo, and he dies, we're all in trouble."Will turned to me. "I apologize for my boyfriend."Nico rolled his eyes. "Could you not""Would you prefer special guy?" Will asked. "Or significant other?""Significant annoyance, in your case," Nico grumbled The Hidden Oracle

30. With the world securely in order, Dain was able to devote the leisurely bath time to editing his mental dictionary. He removed his wife from the general category labeled "Females" and gave her a section of her own. He made a note that she didn't find him revolting, and proposed several explanations: (a) bad eyesight and faulty hearing, (b)a defect in a portion of her otherwise sound intellect, (c) an inherited Trent eccentricity, or (d) an act of God. Since the Almighty had not done him a single act of kindness in at least twenty-five years, Dain thought it was about bloody time, but he thanked his Heavenly Father all the same, and promised to be as good as he was capable of being. Lord of Scoundrels