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Friend: “Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?”Me: “Brochure”
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Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.Me: Wait. I can change.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.
How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail..
How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.
How Do Fish Get High? Seaweed
How do flat-earthers travel? On a plane.
How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)
How do vampires start letters? Tomb it may concern.
