Dorothy Parker Quotes That Will Inspire You to Live Your Best Life

1. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

2. Brevity is the soul of lingerie. While Rome Burns

3. But I give you my word, in the entire book there is nothing that cannot be said aloud in mixed company. And there is, also, nothing that makes you a bit the wiser. I wonder--oh, what will you think of me--if those two statements do not verge upon the synonymous. Constant Reader

4. By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying.

5. Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

6. I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

7. I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

8. I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host. The Collected Dorothy Parker

9. I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

10. I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. The Portable Dorothy Parker

11. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

12. If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. While Rome Burns

13. If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)

14. If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

15. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

16. In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his theories.But now I know the things I knowAnd do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you. The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker

17. In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his theories.But now I know the things I knowAnd do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you. The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker

18. Inventory:"Four be the things I am wiser to know:Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.Four be the things I'd been better without:Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.Three be the things I shall never attain:Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.Three be the things I shall have till I die:Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye. The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker

19. Inventory:"Four be the things I am wiser to know:Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.Four be the things I'd been better without:Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.Three be the things I shall never attain:Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.Three be the things I shall have till I die:Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye. The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker

20. Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

21. Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

22. MenThey hail you as their morning starBecause you are the way you are.If you return the sentiment,They'll try to make you different;And once they have you, safe and sound,They want to change you all around.Your moods and ways they put a curse on;They'd make of you another person.They cannot let you go your gait;They influence and educate.They'd alter all that they admired.They make me sick, they make me tired. The Portable Dorothy Parker

23. RésuméRazors pain you,Rivers are damp,Acids stain you,And drugs cause cramp.Guns aren't lawful,Nooses give,Gas smells awful.You might as well live. Enough Rope

24. Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

25. That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. While Rome Burns

26. That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

27. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

28. The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.

29. There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]

30. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. The Portable Dorothy Parker