Terry Pratchett Quotes That Will Inspire You to Live Your Best Life

1. -Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. Maskerade

2. ...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened. Moving Pictures

3. ...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done. Equal Rites

4. A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on. The Truth

5. All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE."Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES."So we can believe the big ones?"YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING."They're not the same at all!"YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED."Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"MY POINT EXACTLY. Hogfather

6. Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. Jingo

7. An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one - black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door? Night Watch

8. And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions. Hogfather

9. And what would humans be without love?"RARE, said Death. Sourcery

10. And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it's gone. Wintersmith

11. Anyone with half a mind could see that," said Tiffany.Miss Tick sighed. "Yes. But sometimes it's so hard to find half a mind when you need one.

12. At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are. I Shall Wear Midnight

13. Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it. Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

14. Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be. Small Gods

15. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Jingo

16. Bursar?""Yes, Archchancellor?""You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?""Me? No, Archchancellor.""Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head. Lords and Ladies

17. Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self. Thud!

18. Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there.Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said.No, sir, said Mort.Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.Was there?Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ. Mort

19. Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

20. Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane? Monstrous Regiment

21. Do you understand what I'm saying?"shouted Moist. "You can't just go around killing people!""Why Not? You Do." The golem lowered his arm."What?" snapped Moist. "I do not! Who told you that?""I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People," said the golem calmly."I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!""No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game. Going Postal

22. DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH. Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

23. Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!""Can't we do anything about it?""No!""Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly. The Color of Magic

24. Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life. The Color of Magic

25. First sight is when you can see what’s really there, not what your head tells you ought to be there. The Wee Free Men

26. Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. Reaper Man

27. Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life. Jingo

28. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

29. Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think. Small Gods

30. Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them. Carpe Jugulum