Woody Allen Quotes That Will Inspire You to Live Your Best Life

1. All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

2. Eighty percent of success is showing up.

3. God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

4. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

5. I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

6. I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

7. I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

8. I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

9. I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

10. I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

11. If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

12. If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. Hannah and Her Sisters

13. Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

14. My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

15. Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

16. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

17. To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

18. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

19. Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

20. If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

21. The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. Midnight in Paris: The Shooting Script

22. There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.