steven wright Quotes That Will Inspire You to Live Your Best Life
steven wright quotes that inspire a great attitude towards life That Will Inspire You to Live Your Best Life
1. A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
2. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
3. Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
4. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
5. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
6. I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
7. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
8. I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
9. I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
10. I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
11. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
12. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
13. I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
14. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
15. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
16. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
17. If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
18. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
19. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- success,humor
20. If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Author:- steven wright
Category:- humor
21. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
22. If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
23. It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
24. It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor,love
25. Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
26. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
27. The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
28. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
29. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
30. When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Author:- Steven Wright
Category:- humor
