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As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
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At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Boss: How’s that new glue?Me:
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother… Sudden Lee.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
Dad: I named you after my father.After my father: I know
Did you hear about the cheese that’s been working out? Dude’s shredded
Did you hear about the french general who stepped on a landmine? Napoleon Blown Apart.
Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a Roman Catholic.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
Did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen? They break out in hives.
Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
