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Doctor: I think your DNA is backwards.ME: …And?
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Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.
During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Finally my winter fat has gone… Now, I have spring rolls.
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: Oi – get out. We don’t want your type here. Beef jerky.
Friend: “Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?”Me: “Brochure”
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.Me: Wait. I can change.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.
How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail..
