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I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there's a salad dressing.
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I asked 10 people what LGTBQ standed for… Couldn’t get a straight answer!
I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.
I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job."
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.She looked up and whispered, “They’re right behind you”.
I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. "No," I said. "It's to look at."
I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
I can kayak. Canoe?
I can sum up 2021 in one word. Five
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but graphing is where I draw the line.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD. It was here a minute ago.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
