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I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.
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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I lost an electron. Are you positive?
I named my dog “5 miles.” So that I could frequently say, “I am going to walk 5 miles now.”
I once got fired from a canned juice factory. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. Because I am an eighth-theist.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. spoiler I must have a weekend immune system.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain… It was from ancient Greece.
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.
I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes. So she hugged me.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.
