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I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
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I wasn’t expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind. It really came out of the purple.
I went to a seafood disco last week! Pulled a mussel!
I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store.Clothes, but no cigar.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day – but I couldn’t find any.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
I’ll never tell my accountant a joke again. He just depreciates them.
I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.
I’m an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It’s my special tea.
I’m finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K in January. It’s my new years resolution.
I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is open Mike night!
I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people, I’ll call it… Receding airlines.
