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My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So i bought her a candle.
My wife told me she didn't understand cloning. I told her, "That makes two of us."
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work…She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don't worry, I'll return.
My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly… … I’m not a fan.
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.
Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”
People are usually shocked when they find out… I’m a bad electrician.