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My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don't worry, I'll return.
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My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly… … I’m not a fan.
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.
Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”
People are usually shocked when they find out… I’m a bad electrician.
People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise. Dawn is tough on Greece.
Remember that joke I told you about the chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner? No, you should just stick with turkey.
So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show. But Patrick is the star.
