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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What do you want?" The man says, "Oh, just some fruit punch." The bartender sighs and shakes his head, "If you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line." The man looks around, but there is no punchline.
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can't cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.
A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
And if you are still with me, then these final set of dad jokes will round your arsenal, preparing you for any situation. Bear in mind, however, that not all jokes immediately get people laughing. Laughter is a subjective concept, as ultimately one joke can divide a room on polar opposite sides. That is why the next is bound to have something for everyone.
Anyone looking to buy a Delorean? Good shape, good mileage. Only driven from time to time
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Boss: How’s that new glue?Me:
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother… Sudden Lee.