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Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
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Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
Want to hear a pizza joke? Nahhh, it’s too cheesy!
Went to the corner shop – bought four corners
What brand of underwear do scientists wear? Kelvin Klein.
What crime do blacksmiths most commonly get charged with? Forgery.
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves.
What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? “Hey there bud!”
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.
